The Netflix dating show star spoke to DIVA about life after the show, her new boo, and the queer community
BY ELLA GAUCI, IMAGE BY NETFLIX
If you missed the cultural phenomenon that was Netflix’s new queer dating show Ultimatum: Queer Love, where have you been?
The concept is pretty simple: five couples were brought together with one thing in common – one person wanted to get married, and the other… didn’t. Each couple then went on a temporary break where they had the chance to date other cast members before coming back to their OG partner to decide whether the wedding bells would still ring.
Lexi Goldberg was one of the ultimatum issuers in the show, coming on the show with her girlfriend at the time Rae. Fans quickly fell in love with Lexi’s maturity and no-nonsense approach to the show.
Over a year after the show was filmed, we joined Lexi over Zoom to get the lowdown on life after Ultimatum.
We were such huge fans of the show, did you know how popular it was going to be when you signed up for it?
No! There’s this inherent imposter syndrome when it comes to queer things succeeding. As much as I was mainly focused on how the show was going to affect my relationship and answer the questions I had, you never think queer things will succeed.
Why do you think that Queer Love was so important for the queer community?
When you see the show and the cast, it makes people realise that queer people are fighting over the same things that [straight] couples do. We’re having the same discussions about marriage. It’s so normal because that’s the way that queer love is.
It’s 2023 and yet there are still a lot of countries and states reverting to what I call “ancient times”. In the midst of people trying to make our love, our gender, and our expression abnormal – and challenge our ability to be who we are – I think it’s so important for people to see that we are people. We love, we fight, we’re messy. All the same that everyone else is.
The reunion seemed so intense as a viewer, what was it like being in that room?
Just as uncomfortable as it looked! When I got there it was really tangible in the room that something was wrong. I’d like to give clarity on this – we don’t narrate the course of the conversation. When you’re being talked to by a host there is a plan.
I knew something bad was in the air but I couldn’t place it until it hit me right in the face. Candidly, there was stuff that we started to hear about that had never been mentioned before. It’s really unfortunate to hear that any member of our cast was held at the hands of domestic violence. It’s absolutely awful. It was shocking to hear.
It’s frustrating to know that it played out that way. It’s upsetting that Tiff didn’t get a lane to speak about their experience. The reunion was not what any of us expected it to be. I wish it had been a safer environment for Tiff to speak about their experience.
Your fashion has changed a lot since the show, what inspired your new style?
I feel very femme. I am very in touch with my feminine side. A misconception I had in my last relationship was that if I wore street-style clothes or men’s clothes, that would make me not feminine. And now I don’t think that’s the case.
It’s a matter of what I choose to express myself as. After we finished filming, I started to do more exploring on the internet and TikTok about things that I had never tried. I realised that I didn’t feel as comfortable in heels and make-up as I had forced myself to be on the show.
We have loved seeing all your couple content with your new girlfriend Kristin, were you worried about hard launching her after the show?
Absolutely. We watch reality TV shows and we feel like we’re watching something as it happens in that moment. It’s very hard – even if you know it happened a year ago – to remember that it’s not happening at that second.
Kristin didn’t consent to this life, she wasn’t on the show. She just happened to fall in love with somebody who did this thing. I just tried to urge people to be kind. The most interesting criticism that we’ve seen Kristin get is that she’s just dating me for clout. It just makes me laugh because Kristin is a phenomenal photographer. If anyone wanted to make that argument, it would be that I was dating her for clout!
At the end of the day, we were just best friends that fell in love. There was no strategy. In this life, we’re lucky to get a few best friends. I would argue that I’m luckier to have fallen in love with one.
How long were you friends with each other before you started dating?
We were friends for six or seven months and it was never anything more than a platonic friendship. We went on trips together and worked for the same content creation group. I don’t think either of us had even thought about one another like that because we became friends so quickly.
We had decided to live together platonically. We were roommates. So when we decided to give it a go we were like: ‘If we try this it could crash and burn’. Thankfully that hasn’t happened!
I feel like we’re living our biggest gay cliche!
What is next for you?
I want to figure out how to create more community for queer people. I think we’ve experienced some isolation in our community because people feel like they can only be around people who feel like them or look like them.
There’s a disconnect right now in our community. I’m working on some projects to try to change that narrative. I want to bring people back together. We’re stronger in numbers. I’d like to see us all come together.
DIVA magazine celebrates 29 years in print in 2023. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQIA media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.
